What I Do

I feel as a mom I do lots of things wrong but surprisingly I do a lot of things right.  Lately I've had a lot of my friends and even strangers/acquaintances compliment me on how well my son obeys and how polite and well mannered he is, which is the highest compliment I could possible get (so thank you).  Now I think his personality is definitely a part of it.  Roman is very mile mannered and is a good kid by nature so it's not as hard for me as it is for some of those stubborn, strong willed children (like I think my little Sicily is going to be).


However, I was thinking of what I do as far as parenting and here are a few things that I do that have worked for us.  Granted not everything that I do works for us ALL the time and it's through trial and error, consistency and creativity that things have worked out for us.  I'm writing this partly to share what I do, but it's also been good for me to write it down and hopefully use it as a reference guide with my other children.


We have always been a proponant of discipline even when Roaman was young.  Some might say too young, but we have the mind set that if you can nip bad behavior in the bud then it doesn't escalate into a 5 year old throwing a tantrum because he didn't get a cookie at the grocery store (and I know y'all have seen that before) So here's some things that we do (at least some things that I can recall off the top of my head):


Punishments (WE BELIEVE IN THEM)
Time outs: I've done time outs since Roman was even a year old.  I would put him in the corner even for 20 seconds, and then gradually work our way up to a minute when he could grasp the concept of time outs and what he did wrong.  I ALWAYS got down to his level and had eye contact and explained what he did and why it was wrong....and do that to this day.
Good threats:  Ohhh the threats...well make it a good one.  Don't threaten things that you are going to carry out.  If I say I'm going to leave if Roman take a toy from another kid, well, I leave.  It's hard to follow through kids are smart and they know if and how much they can get away with.
Taking things away: toys, parks, treats, watching shows
Soap in mouth: some might say this is harsh, but we had a short bout of Roman saying NO to my face and Ernie said if he did it again there would be soap...it took 3 times and no more NO's.


Responsibility:  I believe that every child should have responsibilities.  Even at a young age, we have tried to instill hard work in Roman.  Even if those responsibilities are putting your toys away every night.  It's something.  Now that Roman is older, he knows what chores he has to do and what his responsibilities are.
Chores:  I found that my son LOVES to help, and most kids do.  So when I'm doing chores, I find something for Roman to do so that he is a part of the action.  He loves vacuuming, washing walls, dusting...they might not be up to my standards but he is learning and that's the lesson more than a clean wall.


Choices:
Parenting with Love and Logic.  I love this book.  I like the concepts of choices.  Now with that said, I think there are boundaries and giving appropriate choices.  The idea is that you give a child a choice but the same outcome will happen.  For example: We are going to the truck right now, do you want to walk to the truck, or do you want me to carry you...or...we are going to bed, do you want to go to bed happy, or do you want to go to bed sad?  Same outcome, but they get to choose how they are going to do it.


Politeness:
Don't test my politeness (an office quote).  I will not raise an impolite child.  This is a work in progress but it is doable.  I can't stand kids that inturrupt, or say I want I want I want...it drives me NUTS!!!  Granted my child has said his fair share of annoying things, and has inturrupted me on mannyyy occasions but he is just three and he is improving all the time...AS LONG AS I STILL PRACTICE WITH HIM.  It takes constant reminding but I have been told by many many people that he is one of the most polite children they have ever seen.  So something must be working.


It's all about mimicking.  Once I realized my son was telling rather asking me for things I knew something had to change.  I realized that as adults we aren't as polite as we think we are.  It took a lot of reflection to realize this.  For me and my husband we would constantly ask...or tell each other to grab something, do something without saying please or thank you.  We have since learned it is truly all about example.
My son now says : May i please have... instead of I want a...
He probably over uses this phrase but he says it none the less: When adults are talking he knows to say Excuse me..and then waits for the attention and he proceeds.


Eating:
It seems like everyone goes through some sort of picky eater stage.  My son went through it and still goes through it.  Thanks to my mother in law our eating battles were no more (well at least decreased immensly).  She gave me the book Child of Mine.  It teaches you that as a parent you have the responsibility to provide what, when and gives the children the responsibility to eat how much, what to eat and if they are going to eat.  It is a little hard to watch your kids not eat, but it has lifted the stress and now my son does realizes if he doesn't eat then he'll be hungry.


Other fun things we do:

Thankful tree: We started this last year and I LOVE it.  For the month of November we set up a thankful tree and every night we say one thing we are thankful for and hang it leaves on our tree.  

Warm fuzzies: Inspired by President Thomas S. Monson (from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saints).  The idea is that when you do something good for someone else we get to put a "warm fuzzy", which is a little pom pom in a jar and when we fill the jar we get to go out for ice-cream.

Positive reinforcement: see warm fuzzies (it works so well)
Tickets:  So I tried to give out "No Listening" tickets because Roman was having a hard time not listening...if he got three in one day he didn't get to watch a show before bed...this one didn't work so well (I'm going to re-evaluate this one a bit).


Anyway...I know they are random things, and I know I'm forgetting some but it's a little peek inside our little lives. If you have any good ideas PLEASE share with me.  I'm always looking for other inspiration.


Happy Parenting!!!